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| FIRST flight experience. |
I am writing this in assumption that you have booked your flight ticket at least 5 days ahead and you know your way to the airport. Once you arrive, stand a distance and observe the different queues.
Locate the one with your airline tag and join. Ask different passengers at the ticketing area, their destination and once you find someone headed to the same destination as you, copy every single thing they do.
In case you don't meet someone, go to the ticketing area and present your ID. The ticketing officer will trace your flight booking and present to you with a boarding pass.
You will be asked if you have a luggage you'd like to check in which will be tagged and taken away. Don't worry they are not stealing it ok. When you are done ask the ticketing person where the boarding area is.
Ask with a foreign accent as though you are IJCB=(I just Came back) not familiar with local Cameroon airports so that they won't figure out you are about to lose your flight virginity.
Then walk to where they will direct you and present your boarding pass. From there you will be directed to the security area to be searched.
You will be asked to place your hand bag and jewelry in a security scanner. You will also be asked to take off your shoes if it's high heels. JJC (Johnny just come), avoid complicated shoe ok.
Pick up your bag and wear you shoe once this procedure is over. Then quietly follow other passengers. Don't worry, all of them are heading to the boarding area.
In the boarding area there are sections that look reserved at the corners. They are for the business class, so respect yourself and seat with others in the general area or you may be bounced and disgraced. Once seated make your ears the most sensitive organ. Take note of the flight number on your boarding pass. You will hear a voice on the intercom announcing flights.
Listen keenly or only your checked in luggage would end up where you are headed and you will return to the "God is good life" if you miss your flight. The intercom will announce your flight is going to be delayed for 30 mins. Other passengers would start to curse the airline loudly. Make sure you join to curse too or everyone is going to figure out you are a JJC.
Yell too how the airline keep messing your flight schedules on your previous trips. The good part about curses during flight delay announcement is that you are going to find out those on your flight meaning you can freely copy whatever they do especially figuring out your flight from the intercom voice.
Congratulations your flight has finally been called after 30 mins delay. Slayqueen walk to the plane. It's not easy hahaha.
At the tarmac you will see an aeroplane as big as the one your class 3 primary school teacher told you. You may be tempted to start taking selfies with the plane in the background but behave yourself because you didn't come so far to disgrace yourself too.
Once you enter the plane the air hostess will show your seat number. I know you are super exited inside out but don't smile too much or they are going to figure out that you are about to lose your flight virginity, in fact JJC. Remember you were the frequent flier cursing the airline a few mins ago.
Stylishly take selfies with the airline tag on your seat visible as receipts for your enemies who won't believe you have entered plane. Now buckle your seat belt, cover yourself with the blood of Jesus, forget the curses and tell God you just wanted to be among, then face front.
The air hostess will demonstrate certain things you won't understand. The pilot will announce take off and the plane will start moving slowly.
Don't be tempted to call anyone to say the "pilot has started driving". Your phone should be switched off as standard flight procedure.
Then the plane will start going faster and you will feel one type of a feeling only users of kayanmata can explain when using it on Buea guys.
Congratulations you are now flying. If you have a window seat you will see roof tops, trees, roads, rivers and streams and then the clouds are going to take over as you people fly across heaven.
Shortly after the air hostess will roll a cart of snacks along your way. Drink all you can. Its not easy to eat fruits and even take coffee in heaven. Lick your sweet then push it to different sides of your jaws. Its more sweeter when you are inside the plane.
Don't be tempted to trash your snacks wrap on the floor of the plane or frequent fliers will take you for a low behind. Remeber you are not in Gurantee Express or Psalms 23 going to Bamenda where you are seating on your luggage more of firewood and a few travellers bags. Halfway you will feel the plane doing kogkog all of a sudden.
Don't panic, its normal. We call it turbulence. Most people on the flight are used to it that's why they never flinch during turbulence. Act cool too. Remeber you are a frequent flier and you had earlier covered yourself with the blood of Jesus. Turbulence will be over and the plane will continue flying.
The pilot will announce your seatbelt be fastened when the plane is about to land but you are going to smile because you never took off yours in the first place.
The plane will hit the runway, move in speed and come to a final halt. The air hostess will announce that you can now disembark and you will be amazed at how a 15hr road trip takes 2hrs when you can afford a flight ticket.
Now you are among the 1.002% Cameroonians who have travelled by air.
Rooney Nshing is a scientist by heart and a blogger by soul.
