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Showing posts with label Fun Time. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fun Time. Show all posts

Saturday 17 July 2021

Laugh With Moderation-First Time Behaviour Traveling By Plane

FIRST flight experience.

I am writing this in assumption that you have booked your flight ticket at least 5 days ahead and you know your way to the airport. Once you arrive, stand a distance and observe the different queues.

Locate the one with your airline tag and join. Ask different passengers at the ticketing area, their destination and once you find someone headed to the same destination as you, copy every single thing they do.

In case you don't meet someone, go to the ticketing area and present your ID. The ticketing officer will trace your flight booking and present to you with a boarding pass.

You will be asked if you have a luggage you'd like to check in which will be tagged and taken away. Don't worry they are not stealing it ok. When you are done ask the ticketing person where the boarding area is.

Ask with a foreign accent as though you are IJCB=(I just Came back) not familiar with local Cameroon airports so that they won't figure out you are about to lose your flight virginity.

Then walk to where they will direct you and present your boarding pass. From there you will be directed to the security area to be searched.

You will be asked to place your hand bag and jewelry in a security scanner. You will also be asked to take off your shoes if it's high heels. JJC (Johnny just come), avoid complicated shoe ok.

Pick up your bag and wear you shoe once this procedure is over. Then quietly follow other passengers. Don't worry, all of them are heading to the boarding area.

In the boarding area there are sections that look reserved at the corners. They are for the business class, so respect yourself and seat with others in the general area or you may be bounced and disgraced. Once seated make your ears the most sensitive organ. Take note of the flight number on your boarding pass. You will hear a voice on the intercom announcing flights.

Listen keenly or only your checked in luggage would end up where you are headed and you will return to the "God is good life" if you miss your flight. The intercom will announce your flight is going to be delayed for 30 mins. Other passengers would start to curse the airline loudly. Make sure you join to curse too or everyone is going to figure out you are a JJC.

Yell too how the airline keep messing your flight schedules on your previous trips. The good part about curses during flight delay announcement is that you are going to find out those on your flight meaning you can freely copy whatever they do especially figuring out your flight from the intercom voice.

Congratulations your flight has finally been called after 30 mins delay. Slayqueen walk to the plane. It's not easy hahaha.

At the tarmac you will see an aeroplane as big as the one your class 3 primary school teacher told you. You may be tempted to start taking selfies with the plane in the background but behave yourself because you didn't come so far to disgrace yourself too.

Once you enter the plane the air hostess will show your seat number. I know you are super exited inside out but don't smile too much or they are going to figure out that you are about to lose your flight virginity, in fact JJC. Remember you were the frequent flier cursing the airline a few mins ago.

Stylishly take selfies with the airline tag on your seat visible as receipts for your enemies who won't believe you have entered plane. Now buckle your seat belt, cover yourself with the blood of Jesus, forget the curses and tell God you just wanted to be among, then face front.

The air hostess will demonstrate certain things you won't understand. The pilot will announce take off and the plane will start moving slowly.

Don't be tempted to call anyone to say the "pilot has started driving". Your phone should be switched off as standard flight procedure.

Then the plane will start going faster and you will feel one type of a feeling only users of kayanmata can explain when using it on Buea guys.

Congratulations you are now flying. If you have a window seat you will see roof tops, trees, roads, rivers and streams and then the clouds are going to take over as you people fly across heaven.

Shortly after the air hostess will roll a cart of snacks along your way. Drink all you can. Its not easy to eat fruits and even take coffee in heaven. Lick your sweet then push it to different sides of your jaws. Its more sweeter when you are inside the plane.

Don't be tempted to trash your snacks wrap on the floor of the plane or frequent fliers will take you for a low behind. Remeber you are not in Gurantee Express or Psalms 23 going to Bamenda where you are seating on your luggage more of firewood and a few travellers bags. Halfway you will feel the plane doing kogkog all of a sudden. 

Don't panic, its normal. We call it turbulence. Most people on the flight are used to it that's why they never flinch during turbulence. Act cool too. Remeber you are a frequent flier and you had earlier covered yourself with the blood of Jesus. Turbulence will be over and the plane will continue flying.

The pilot will announce your seatbelt be fastened when the plane is about to land but you are going to smile because you never took off yours in the first place.

The plane will hit the runway, move in speed and come to a final halt. The air hostess will announce that you can now disembark and you will be amazed at how a 15hr road trip takes 2hrs when you can afford a flight ticket.

Now you are among the 1.002% Cameroonians who have travelled by air.

Rooney Nshing is a scientist by heart and a blogger by soul.

Tuesday 11 December 2018

CAMEROON Joke Of The Year- Why My Tribe Man is The Best

Highest Fun Time that Ever reigned in Cameroon.
Tell me who will finally go home with this trophy. These guys from the different tribes in the English speaking regions of Cameroon have done wanders and people have gotten fallen jaws because of their actions.

The first person is a Banso Man:
He went to the Bank with a spanner and many of his workshop tools to open a Bank Account. Hmm UBA was shocked.

Bakossi Man:
On his first journey to town, he removed his shoe to enter the Taxi.

Kom man:
The only tribe man in the universe who watched the Tv News and waved at the newscaster.

Bayangi Man:
He went to bed with a ruler just to know how long he slept.

Ndop man:
The Ndop nurse who woke a sleeping patient simply because she forgot to give him sleeping pills.

Babanki Man:
This man decided to lower the volume of his TV set to read a text message.

Mankon man:
He polished his clean brown shoe to take an American visa lottery passport photo.

Oku man:
 He climbed a mango tree to check if the mango was ripe enough then came down and started stoning it.

Bakwerri man:
A man who chose to drink Fanta because he thought sprite was unripe.

Awing man:
He saw something that looked like shit, touched and tasted and said "Hmmm" na shit ooo!!! Thank God I no match.

Wum Man:
He put his radio inside the refrigerator because he wanted to listen to Cool FM.

Ndu Man:
The only man who went to Yaounde with bribe and needed a receipt.

Who is the winner of this fierce competition? Drop your comment below.
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Wednesday 11 April 2018

Watch the shocking video of a Barcelona fan in Cameroon after the Roma 3-0 defeat.

UEFA Champions League

Yesterday the 10th April, 2018 was a football fiesta for Roma that forced Barca and Real Madrid fans to keep watching the shocking video of a Barcelona fan in Cameroon who prefers to die than live as Barcelona dwindles out of the UEFA Champion's League.

His friend during the weeping party and all whatnot couldn't calm down his room-mate for what has happened.
100% of all Barcelona supporters were all shocked though didn't performed the way this guy did. Barcelona is currently topping La Liga Setander and there is no hope for the other teams to beat them and carry the cup but was embarrassed yesterday by Roma.

During their first encounter "allez" Barca won this guys 3-1 in Barca and the "retour" was a shock. It is normal to those who know the history of Italian teams against Barcelona. Juventus did it last year and Roma this year.

Real Madrid may still hit the jackpot this year if care is not fully optimized. Its clear that the battle between Real Madrid and Liverpool will be stiff, but credits goes to Real Madrid of Christiano Ronaldo.
Christiano Ronaldo Dos Santos who is currently the world's best player is always compared by fans of Leonel Messi meanwhile the two are never in competition. Yes if CR7 as commonly called by his fans can still win the Champion's league this year he will be the highest person to have cultivated 6 champions leagues. He is currently the highest goal scorer since the competition started.

Hey great friends, try to help this guy take heart. Though his father died
Drop your comment below and subscribe for latest directly in your inbox.

Sunday 18 February 2018

The hottest dug up love letter from Cameroon that twerked the Valentine's day

Rose means love. This is Rose

Written 28 yrs ago in Bamenda, a young love architect carved out this heart evoking letter to her love. Here it goes

P.O.BOX 103,
8TH JUNE 1989.

Dear Sweet Kinyuy,
Time and ability plus double capacity has forced my pen to dance automatically on this benedicted sheet of paper. I hope you are swimming in the wonderful pool of Mr Health there. I am also palambulating in the cold breeze of wellness here.

Sweetie Pie, the reason why this miraculous thing is happening is because, honey, I love you spontaneously, and as i stand horizontally parallel to the wall and vertically perpendicular to the ground now, I only think of you, since you are fantastic and a fabulous put together as fantabulous. I implore you to decipher this my anthem of love oozing out from the innermost pendulum of my thoraxic cavity.

Darling, stop haranguing with the feelings in my heart because i love you more than a snake loves rat.
To me each day i start by dreaming of you. Each time i see you, my metabolism suddenly halts and my peristalsis goes in reverse gear. My medula oblongata also ceases functioning.

Crazy crazy crazy you may say but this is very veritable. If only you knew what is going on in my encephalon you would prostate. That is why I need to see you vis a vis soon for a better elucidation through a tete a tete. No hyperbole and onomatopoeia, simple candidness.

I think i have to pen off here, because I still haven't finished studying electrolysis and polymerisation. But before I evaporate, I like to revitalize your memory with those encapsulating lyrics which proclaim that your piss is my mimbo, your catarrh is my butter, the world's greatest lover is me.

Catch you later. Sleep tight and don't let those bed bugs bite you because you are too sweet for them.
Goodbye for now
Your slave in love

This hottest love letter from Cameroon expresses the true love that triggered the hearts of young lovers in Cameroon in the days of Apaga and Dina Bell caps. Can this love still exist today?




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